Addio Fiorito Asil
I still remember this day exactly one year ago – rather vividly. It was pretty cold and empty. I should have known it was a sign. The shock and disbelief permeated my core as the hours ticked on and on. I couldn’t bring myself to believe that this would be my fate: abandoned somewhere on a cold island – left to fend for myself.
But that’s what happened. It was on this day last year and the island was Manhattan – possibly the world’s loneliest place – if you’re just in the wrong circumstances.
I don’t want to editorialize or anything but I do owe this space of Internet something. It was here that I rested. I’ve already deleted all of my YouTube videos (I can’t believe I actually recorded my thoughts like that), I’ve locked up Twitter and Instagram. So basically, anything linked to this identity is shuffled away, only known by the people that know. I want to say something about new beginnings but it seems so out of place to do so. It doesn’t seem to be a new beginning for me, rather a drab continuation, a constant reminder with new perceptions and lessons being learned – kind of like an evolving lesson. Life, I guess (how cliché).
A good friend once talked to me about the insustainability of Love – among other things. I’ve come to agree with her on this. I don’t think Love is sustainable. I think that Love (along with all relationships) need this special something to sustain them. Something - for lack of a better term - “elemental” and I think this trumps even human virtue. I have an idea of what that is but it’s rather pointless to expound on it here.
At this intersection of Forever and Purgatory, I’ve managed to reach the top of the mountain of my ideals. And you know what? I realize that it was all…pointless. There’s nothing to be gained at climbing to that summit – only a bigger and more cavernous emptiness than anyone could ever imagine. And that’s the thing, I made that conscious choice to climb the mountain of my idealism. No one could have done this much damage to myself but myself. It really was the small things that I chose to ignore that killed me.
So, I’m here at last, ready to fly off into whatever it is that’s waiting for me at the next phase of existence. It really is a new life…but I honestly question now what my odds are. To whoever was here with me, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I promise you that no matter what happens, I will always always be partial to you. See you again soon!
All The Best,
M
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